What is it called when you're a teenaged girl who feels guilt and?
Its called adolescence and its one of the hardest things you will ever do. You are caught between two worlds, the world of childlike delight and wonder with the world and a dawning self-realization and self-awareness that is new, uncomfortable, embarrassing and awkward. This is kind of like a roller coaster ride at an amusement park. Youre at the park having fun when you see the coaster and think it might be a neat thing - youve never been on one before but everyone seems to be excited about it so you decide to get in line. While you are in line you start to realize that youre kind of scared, but you move forward anyway. The man takes your ticket and you get on. By now youre filled with anticipation, fear, trepidation and expectation. You also realize that maybe youve made a mistake - maybe its too much for you. But its too late - the ride is moving. You have no control. You cant get off. Youre in the front car and its climbing the hill. You are terrified. You want to get off but you cant. You have no control. The car is clank-clank-clanking up the hill. Its getting higher and higher. Youre wondering if they strapped you in properly. Youre wondering if the thing was maintained properly and that all the bolts and screws are tight. Youre wondering if people actually fall off roller coasters. Now you are terrified. Youre almost at the top. You can see for miles, all around the park, hear the blaring pop music over the speakers, see the people down below, like tiny ants, smell the popcorn. Its terrifying - but exhilarating. You have no control and you dont like that part but like it or not, youre on for the duration and you cannot get off. At that penultimate moment you are at the very top before the car tips over the edge and you hold your breath. The moment is perfect. You are thrilled and terrified. You need to make a choice in that very instant - are you going to CHOOSE to love what happens next, or hate and fear it? You cannot stop it. You have no control. So you must CHOOSE to embrace the loss of control and throw your arms up and trust that everything will be alright and scream in delight or you must choose to pull back into the chair in terror and grab the handrail and pray it was over. The next minute is going to either be the ride of your life or the longest minute in Hell you can imagine. How you choose to approach that ride determines how you will feel about roller coasters from now on. Either you will love them, love the exhilaration and freedom and thrill of speed and wind and motion or you will be terrified by the loss of control and the fear of falling and heights and danger (where there really is none). You must choose. Here is the thing you must learn to accept. You are never going to be perfect. Ever. Forget it. Michael J. Fox once said, Excellence I can strive for. Perfection is Gods business.. Hes correct. Only God can be perfect. You cant and you dont need to be. All you need to be is kind and that takes practice like anything else. One of the problems with being a 16 year old girl (or any teen for that matter) is that you think its all about you: that people are looking at you; that people are talking about you; that people are criticizing you; that people are ignoring you; that youre different, better, worse, uglier, prettier, smarter, dumber, sexier, gawkier. and so much more all at once. But the truth is, it wasnt about you before you were 16 and it wont be about you later. Its about everyone and youre just one of everyone. Its never about YOU: its always about US. If you want to feel better about yourself, then focus on others, not yourself, and do it by being kind. Practice kindness. Since people wont be expecting that from you, they will be taken by pleasant surprise. When they are happy, you will reflect their happiness. You will feel happiness and create pleasantness. It takes practice. You will fail sometime. Get over it and try again. Fail again. Fail better. You cannot get off this ride. You have no control over it. You will feel things youve never felt before and you will be uncertain. But you can choose how to react to these new things. You can be cranky and angry and lash out or you can choose to realize you have no control and go with the flow and try to explore those feelings and feel the joy of being young and alive. Some people say their teen years were the worst of their lives. Some say they were the best. What you think will largely depend on how you approach them, your attitude and your CHOICE of how to feel. Nothing is more powerful than your attitude. NOTHING. You must CHOOSE to be positive, to act positively, think positively and take positive actions. The path you choose in this moment can largely determine your outlook on life for years to come. Choose to be positive. Choose to smile. Choose to be kind. I guarantee no one will be expecting it. I guarantee that once you start this, your life will change for the better. Yes, it is completely true you are going to have bad days. You are going to feel moody and sad and want to cry. Thats fine. Go and have a good long cry somewhere. Youll feel better. But then go and do something positive - like go for a run or a bike ride or a walk or a hike, alone or with friends. Work on your self-esteem. Convince yourself that you are a good person, that you are a worthy individual with strong points and flaws. Really work on that in every quiet moment. Realize that you are imperfect and so are others and that you will never be perfect. Its not about perfection - its about how you approach the world. If you approach it positively then failure has no meaning, perfection or imperfection are irrelevant. All that matters is that you realize you are capable of improvement and that you are as good as anyone else. Heres a secret: everyone you meet, from your friends to your parents to your teachers to celebrities - they are all scared. They all hurt. They are all fighting some desperate battle. They are just like you. They may handle it better or hide it better but inside all of us is the secret terror that people will discover that about us - that we arent perfect. That we are faking it. That maybe, just maybe, we arent good enough. But we keep trying, every day, putting on the smile and going through the motions. You can do this too. Dont fear being afraid - everyones afraid. Life is confusing and often painful. But stand up straight and portray the image that you CAN do it; that you ARE capable because indeed you are. Stand up straight and look people in the eye. Keep a friendly smile on your face when you speak to them. You will tower above those who havent mastered the secrets of Self Confidence. You can NEVER be perfect - but you can believe in yourself and when you do, everyone will get out of your way. You will be the leader. If the there must be an absence of pain for joy to exist then the organization or individual is doomed. We must find a way to experience joy despite our pain. Everybody is fighting a secret battle. Everybody hurts. Everybody. That is why kindness is so important. The line between victory and defeat is sometimes razor thin. Sometimes we are standing on that line and we dont even realize it. Your kind word could be the thing someone needs to push them over the line to victory. Or your spiteful word can be the thing that pushes them backwards into defeat. Be the person who pushes people over that line to victory and you will be taking a major part in your own. Choose some goals and hobbies. Doing something you love will build that self confidence and it will calm your mind. Theres a saying: The world steps aside for any man if he knows where he is going.. If you have a goal in your life, and you make even baby steps towards it without stopping, nothing will be able to stop you. You will be far ahead of the meandering individuals bumbling their way through life. If you have hobbies, including ones that develop your body like running or biking or yoga or dancing and so on, then you will have something to drain off your excess energy, moods, racing thoughts and fears. It will calm you, make you interesting to others, teach you focus and it will serve you your entire life. What if you choose the wrong goals or the wrong hobbies? Oh well, guess you will have to start over again. So what? No time invested in something learned is ever wasted. And I guarantee it will make you more interesting to others in the future - every single failure will be a story, something that makes you YOU, something that will draw others to YOU and part of the thing that makes them want to be around YOU or have YOU around them. Sometimes youre going to think youre unworthy or ugly or unlovable. Those are all lies. No matter what you think of yourself, somewhere, someone is popping a boner over you. You will never please everyone or be attractive to everyone but that doesnt matter. You will please someone. But first you must please yourself. You must accept yourself for who you are and learn to appreciate what you can do, accept that you have flaws and can improve. Accept that there are things about you that may be quirky or even, to some, unpleasant. But that is part of you. Accept those things and project yourself with confidence and that will make others re-evaluate their idea of who you are and make them want to learn what makes YOU so special. Self confidence is nothing more than believing in yourself - a thing that can never be taught to you - you must teach it to yourself and really, truly believe it. And another thing on this topic - fear and self-doubt are delusions that you build as an excuse to not do something or avoid something. Fear is an illusion. Never be fooled or deterred from your worthy goals by delusions. Walk past the paper tiger of fear with your head up and focused on your goal. You will see that fear cowering in your wake, fear will be afraid of YOU. Fear is a delusion. It is only how YOU see it that gives it teeth and power over you. Dont let it. Reach out to family and new friends always. Do this by being kind and open and smiling. Yes it may surprise your family and people you know to see you trying to master this skill and yourself. So what? Let them disbelieve, perhaps, let them mock even - but never let them be an obstacle to your success. Once you win the battle in your head you can win them over as well. It will take time and repetition of effort but if you remain kind whenever possible; if you keep practicing loving yourself and accepting yourself; if you keep projecting self confidence, then they will come to rely on you and open their worlds and minds to you. Once you start smiling - even if its fake - it makes your world bigger. It gives you more options. It gives you more control, or at least the illusion of control. And by smiling, being kind, loving yourself, projecting confidence you will draw countless others into YOUR circle. But remember - nothing good happens by itself - you have to make it happen. So go out and learn and see and do. Adolescence is hard, theres no question about that. But how you approach it is a CHOICE, your choice and you can choose to approach it with fear and anger and sadness, or you can choose to approach with joy and learning and acceptance that many times you will fail but that you always can improve and even by failing you learn. You have to surrender any ideas of being perfect. You will never be perfect and striving to do so only leads to bitterness, sadness and damaged self-esteem and self-confidence. Strive for excellence instead and you will find joy, even in failure, because you learned something new. I write about this a great deal on Quora because I believe it to be a rock solid truth: the most important choice you will ever make in your entire life is to choose to have a good and positive attitude NO MATTER WHAT. How you approach every situation determines the outcome of your life. The situation is minor and will pass but your life is critically important and whether you have a sad or happy life is determined largely by your attitude and how you approach it. When I was in High School some long-forgotten girlfriend wrote this poem and while I dont remember her, I have never forgotten this: What do you feel inside but try to hide?How do you feel deep down when you clown around?What do you feel at home when youre all alone?No, its not something new for its part of me too. Just remember - its part of me too.